Kerries Peeves

I’m sick of apologizing for my messy house. Step over the Legos, step over the stacks of books. Pretend you don’t notice the crumbs on the carpet or the unmade beds.

Pretty soon my kids will be old enough to vacuum as part of their weekly chores. I fantasize about myself eating Dove chocolate and watching Grey’s Anatomy while they vacuum under my feet. Yeah, right.

I like the line in Office Space, “I don’t really like my job, and I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.” Apply that to house-wifing, but not to mothering.

I choose to hold my babies for naps rather than have a nice 2+ hours to clean my home. My husband doesn’t absolutely love that the house looks like it does, but he supports my holding the babies for sleep.

I found this gem in an issue of Parents Magazine:

“The Children and Media Research Advancement (CAMRA) act would authorize $95 million to support research into the effects of TV, computer games, and other media on children. First introduced in 2004 by Senators Joe Lieberman, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Sam Brownback, the measure has made little progress so far. But its sponsors say there’s a chance that an updated proposal will be considered this year. Show your support by contacting your elected officials.”

REALLY? Do you think making kids move more and having less screen time (TV, video games, computer, DS) will make them healthier? Probably, but isn’t this just common sense? Why would I waste my time contacting my elected official to support research into something so inanely stupid?

Elimination Communication is when you’re with your baby all the time and you can figure out when they have to poop or pee based on their grunts or faces or whatever. The kid isn’t wearing a diaper and you are trying to teach a baby to potty-train. What’s the freakin’ hurry? You can’t wait 2 or 3 years for Precious to be able to pee on his own? You have to potty-train NOW? I guess it could save a lot of diapers (disposables in landfills AND cloth diapers washed), but I would think it would be quite messy around the house. If you practice EC and wonder why nobody comes over anymore, think about it and re-read this post!

People who don’t understand a mother’s love for her baby peeve me off. When my first son was tiny, my friend kept wanting us to have girlfriend time (dinner, movie, whatever). Trouble was, I was nursing and did not want to leave my kid! I was totally and udderly (ha!) in love with him! She didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay long at dinner (my boobs hurt and I didn’t want to pump in a restaurant bathroom when I could be nursing my baby). I felt like I was cheating on my baby! There was no reason why I couldn’t have taken my tiny baby with me … he didn’t make much noise, as long as I was holding him or nursing him. It could have saved our friendship.

I don’t understand why 18 is such a magic number. You turn 18 and you have to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. How many people can do that, though? How many people can choose a college education and then a career that fit their entire life and make them happy? I saw something on TV recently about how the frontal lobe in most people isn’t developed until the mid-20s. The frontal lobe is responsible for risk-taking and decision-making. So we’re dumb til we’re 25, but we have to choose a lifetime career and can vote when we’re 18? Oh, and drink when we’re 21???

My ex-father- and mother-in-law were much like the people on The Housewives of Orange County, who mainly value appearances and things over people and raising decent children.

Their oldest daughter was just a mean snotty jerk who thought she was better than anyone else because Daddy paid for everything and she was in a sorority in college and a cheerleader to boot.

The youngest son was a rapist who had no regard for anyone other than himself.

The oldest son was a wife-beater, a thief, a cheat and a liar.

They raised three jerks, but it was okay as long as the kids went to college and married people who went to college.

It took me too long to realize that I was too good for them.

Some things that peeve me off about Halloween: (1) people who show up at my door with their kid close to 10 p.m. on a weeknight. What rock did they crawl out from? (2) idiots who treat my street like a drag strip and almost kill little kids crossing the street (3) people who DRIVE their kids around a neighborhood where the houses are close together (we’re not talking walking from mansion to mansion here, lazy people). These people only pull up to the houses with lights on, teaching their kids to be greedy and lazy. (4) people who look about 20 trick-or-treating (5) when someone’s porch light is on but they don’t answer.

So I went looking for some snow boots in January. Makes sense, since it is STILL WINTER and all that. But all I could find was a very picked-over selection, and it wasn’t even marked down. So I got my 7-year-old some snow boots that will fit him for all of 2 months for $26.

Then I head to the checkout counter and notice BIKINIS!!!! In Kansas City in January. Huh? Oh, and I love how the Valentine’s Day stuff is out during Christmas.

Doesn’t anybody realize the time to buy stuff for Valentine’s Day is not during Christmas but AFTER Valentine’s Day? Remembering where you put your stuff is the problem.

Tamra on Bravo’s The Housewives of Orange County on (man, they are the source of many of my peeves!) freaked out on her son when he showed her a tattoo he got on the inside of his mouth. While that DOES sound painful and gross and is not something I’d personally do, I wonder …

… how is that different from getting big ole fake boobies?

They are both attention-getters. The boobies are definitely more expensive, especially since she has had them reduced recently. Why are tattooes any different from face lifts or fake boobs or Botox? It’s all about appearance, isn’t it?

Books about decluttering crack me up.  Almost everything they recommend you buy to help get your home organized is super-expensive.  Or hard to find without a high-speed Internet access and a ton of money in shipping and handling. 

Or the ideas are unrealistic for my lifestyle since I always seem to have a baby or small child around.

I need to write a book on decluttering for Homeschoolers.  It would tell you what to do with the mounds of paper that get created, what to do with all the crap you need to save in case the State comes knocking on your door, and so on.